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Pretty Girl…

11 Nov

I once wrote a blog about the ear piercing song “Pretty Girl” by Sugarcult. That song gives me the creeps. Okay, I tried to find that blog, but apparently it may only be a draft (which I have dozens of, btw.)

Anyway, that song by Sugarcult gives me the creeps. It takes me back to the days of my intense and naive naivety when I was 16-18. The manipulative thoughts some tried to put in my mind. All I can say is, thank Jesus for Jesus. 🙂

It’s actually not all that relevant to bring up the song above to introduce the new “Pretty Girl…” songs. It’s just that I  realized that I can now totally redeem any song with “Pretty Girl” in the title because of a string of other awesome songs by an awesome band I have started listening to. The Avett Brothers.

For a couple years now, it has been suuuuuuper hard for me to listen to secular music. I just don’t like all the innuendo and harsh words that most music runs off of these days. But I have come across a few bands who are tolerable – if not very enjoyable. Many have Christian music ties (i.e. The Civil Wars with Joy Williams!) The Avett Brothers do have some swearing…and I am sure that if I spend time analyzing their lyrics, there’s probably some innuendo…but all in all, the music is fun and awesome. My favorite thing about their music is all the “Pretty Girl…” songs. For example “Pretty Girl from Chile”, “Pretty Girl from San Diego”, “Pretty Girl from Locust”. The list goes on.

Reading the lyrics makes me want to know if the writer had a fling with girls from those cities or just randomly saw them at a random place, like at the airport. It makes me want to know more, to really take time to understand what is being written. I like when musicians are able to do that.

So anyway, if you haven’t…you should listen to The Avett Brothers. Their music is chill but catchy. It’s the kind of music I can listen to in all seasons, it’s not just Summer or Fall music.

Have a blessed weekend!!! The sunshine streak has ended and we have some stormy weather here in the PNW now… 🙂


How It Came to Be…

12 Aug

About five years ago I was shown a video on Youtube…

This video

A few years ago I was watching it again and was curious if Lifehouse had anymore Christian songs…

And I started searching, listening, and downloading MANY of their songs..hundreds. Album, Acoustic, and Live.

And I fell in love with the band and discovered many of their songs do have to do with Christ.

And that, my friends, is the story of how I came to love the band. 🙂

The end…

The Video that Started it All…

22 Jun

Do yourself a favor, watch the whole thing 🙂 It’s my favorite live performance!

You can’t deny he is singing to Jesus…and the emotion on Jason Wade’s face, golly! 🙂 lol

Waiting for the Break.

7 Mar

Dear Jason Wade,

Thank you for writing awesome music…and putting on an amazing show last Saturday. I waited for you outside for over an hour in the freezing cold, but you never showed…I forgive you though, your music has helped deliver me from hard times many times over. 🙂


Your biggest fan (no, really – i am.)

Winds of Change

I guess nothing turned out like I planned.
Everything’s sure to fall out of hand,
And it takes a lot to find it,
And it takes a lot I know,
To believe that there is meaning
Inside this moment.
In the winds of change.

As it turns you upside down,
As confusing as it seems,
Keep your head high and your feet on the ground,
And turn and chase your dreams
In the winds of change.


she wants to be the girl who’s swept off her feet in the end
she wants to live a life that’s real and not just for pretend
she dreams of laughter echoing and says it’s her favorite sound
she dreams of plastic parents that will never let her down

and I know it won’t be long
till you turn into a butterfly
I know you’re weak and you’re hanging on
cause you’re dreaming of an open sky
go and give it another try

and I know it won’t be long
till you turn into a butterfly
I know you’re weak but you’re hanging on
cause you’re dreaming of an open sky

Signs of Life

A heart that’s been buried in the ground
Can break if it’s never found
I spent so much time digging that grave
And even if it’s pain that I feel
At least I know that it’s real
I’d rather be broken than afraid
Can April hours spring
Signs of life in me

Yeah, oh

Just slow down and take it in stride, yeah
There’s no deadlines as long as you’re alive, yeah

Alive, yeah


The air has never felt so warm
the sky has never looked this way before
there’s nothing comforting in change
I can’t seem to find any peace in this confusion

I can’t help my mind from racing
and my heart is beating faster than ever before
tell me is this really happening
I cannot tell if I am dreaming

but last night
I saw you standing in the moonlight
and you took my hand and we walked
beside the river
and you said
don’t be afraid, be strong
I’m with you

Somewhere In Between

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in?
Don’t be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again.
I don’t want to run away from this,
I know that I just don’t need this

Cause I cannot stand still,
I can be this unsturdy,
This cannot be happening.

Cause I’m waiting for tonight,
Been waiting for tomorrow.
And I’m somewhere in between
What is real,
And just a dream

I have a reason to sing

18 Dec

It’s funny when I travel down a familiar road, all my surroundings are the same…but my heart isn’t.

This time during my junior year of high school, the Alderwood mall finished its remodel. My friends and I spent at least one day a week at the mall, going through the same motions each time. I could bore you with the specific details, but it always involved parking on the 3rd floor, Lovesac, and Auntie Anne’s Pretzels.

I could go to the mall any other time of the year and not think twice about that time of my life…but once the Christmas comes around, memory lane rolls out with it. I was sucked into a world where Christ was not Lord back then, but I am thankful that I can look back at the time without much regret. I was naive, but what 16 year old isn’t? I am thankful for that period of my life, without those memories 6 years ago…and the people involved, i’d be a different person. It took years for me to find thankfulness…many painful years.

And yet, I found myself in a similar situation on my way home from the mall. Driving the same roads with me in my jeep…city lights in the distance, farmland to my left…everything was the same on the outside, but my heart is in a completely different place. And it made me sad, fore this battle is still being fought. This battle is still very real in my life…and it’s taking a lot more time than I’d like.

As I was driving down that road, “Desert Song” by Hillsong United was coming to a close – and my ears perked up as the last couple verses were being sung.

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow

I know I’ve sung that song many time either during worship or in my car, but those words were new and  pierced my heart as needed. How do we sow what we have reaped? Not by mourning, that is for sure. My favorite verse of all time is

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-3

I can’t tell you how many times that verse has given me strength and encouragement. It’s good for me to go through trials, it’s how i mature 🙂 It’s a love-hate relationship with those trials, when i’m in one…i DESPISE it! But when I am not, i WANT ONE! Weird, eh? I actually craaave a trial, Justine and the d-group girls can testify to those very words coming out of my mouth, now knowing that a month after I said that, a trial hit….of course 🙂

There was something else that stuck out to me in the “Desert Song”

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He was the same God with the same thoughts and love for me while I was lusting over a boyfriend as he was while I was wishing that boy never existed. His thoughts of me don’t change, He always has and always will love me. I am favored by Him. And He will shower me all my life with His love and grace, I just need to branch out of the idols of my life and turn to Him for fulfillment and peace. With that being said, as “whole-hearted” was last week – this week’s topic has been all about grace.

i haven’t forgotten my way Home

20 Nov

Many of my friends know of my obsession with the band Lifehouse. But what many of them don’t know is WHY that band (more specifically Jason Wade and his lyrics) are so important to me.

I do believe the Lord showed me that band at the most perfect time, to deliver me from unneeded pain and anxiety. At a time when I had to finally end a 2-year long battle within my heart in order to avoid jealousy and hatred. At a time when an important and dear friendship inevitably had to end. Jason Wade and the guys from Lifehouse were sort of an “escape goat” and what should have been a SUPER difficult time, turned out to be some of the best months of my life.

There was a time when i would post a note on facebook, at least once a week, about a Lifehouse song. I haven’t done that in a VERY long time, but friends – the time has come again 🙂

You’ve probably heard the song on the radio…but it was probably the cd version, which doesn’t bring the lyrics justice. So, while watching this video, please listen closely to the words Jason sings. It’s a beautiful song, and watching it live brings the words to life.


The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like You’ve already figured out

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In Your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on
I’m barely holdin’ on to You

The broken locks were a warning You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I’m an open book instead
I still see Your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they’re still looking for life

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
with a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In Your name (in Your name) I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’)
I’m barely holdin’ on to You

I’m hangin’ on another day
Just to see what You throw my way
And I’m hanging on to the words You say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven’t forgotten my way Home

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
with a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In Your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’),
I’m barely holdin’ on to You

I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’),
I’m barely holdin’ on to You

I can’t lie – I am barely hanging on to Him. I am hanging on another day to see what He will throw my way – because I know He isn’t finished with me yet. But it’s hard. I constantly battle with comparing my life to the other girls my age -why are they married, and i’m not? Why do I have to feel like the odd girl out 90% of the time? Why do I constantly have to feel like there is no hope for me? Why did He have to give me the green light to love someone – only for it all to end and my heart left crushed once more? Why does it feel like I am constantly facing some sort of trial, can’t life just be easy? How am I supposed to heal from a broken heart  when there is a constant reminder of my brokenness?

I know the answer to many of those questions. I know He has me here for a reason. I know He isn’t finished with me yet – and that I need to give Him my all. I know, but it’s hard. It’s hard when it seems like there is no hope…when it feels like i am SO far away from Him. But I do hold on another day to see what He will throw my way – I know it’ll be okay. My broken heart IS still beating for a reason…to give Him the glory. There is healing in the pain, and I need this pain to bring me to my knees. There is joy to be found…I just need to open my eyes.

Lord, i know You haven’t forgotten me. But it feels like You have, please open my eyes so I may find joy and give You the glory. Please soften my heart of stone. Please forgive me of my selfishness.

it may be hard, but i do.

4 Aug

When i first began listening to Christian music…i was introduced to a WHOLE new world. The late-Summer of 2006 i would spend hours ripping music from Andrew’s cd’s. Every song had a different meaning and i loved listening to them.

But now i find myself tired of those songs…so overplayed on my computer and Spirit 105.3 that i almost forgot the beautiful words those songs hold. I didn’t know how powerful they would be to me 5 years after i REALLY began walking with the Lord. One of those songs…is a Jeremy Camp song. Now, he gets a lot of crap for not being “artistic” or “creative” enough with his music. Yes…a lot of his songs kinda sound alike. But often when you REALLY give the lyrics a read, they have the power to penetrate the heart.

I remember sitting in my sisters loud-mouthed Jetta as we passed through the streetlight where Highway 9 and 84th cross in Marysville. We were headed to Corey and Heidi’s house for Young Adult’s. The sun was low in the sky and once we topped the hill, the view was absolutely beautiful. I remember Heather telling me about the artist playing and how his wife died four months after they married…the song playing was written shortly after she died.

We don’t need the passing of a loved one to relate to the song, relatively speaking i haven’t lost much in my life and i can relate! Anytime the Lord puts trials and loss before us, the wavering-Believers from the stable ones are weeded out. Our attitude towards said trial is an indicator of our true hearts. It’s easy to fake a walk with the Lord…until life gets hard.

I Still Believe

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I’ve never felt so torn before
Seems i dont know where to start
But its now i feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy Word
Even when I dont see I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises i still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It’s my heart I see You prepare
But its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

The only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers in brokeness
I can see that this is Your will for me
Help me to know You are near

I can’t lie…it has been really hard for me to pray. The first two lines of the song sum it up perfectly, “Scattered words and empty thoughts seem to pour from my heart”. I try…and i end up on some crazy tangent. I can’t get over the “why?” and grow frustrated…and then come to God in frustration. The easiest times for me to pray is when i’m sad or angry…but about 90% of my prayers are selfish, feeble prayers for myself. It’s frustrating. I create prayer lists…but they only last for about a night. I think it would be so cool to be one of those “prayer warrior” folks. But i fail at it massively.