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i haven’t forgotten my way Home

20 Nov

Many of my friends know of my obsession with the band Lifehouse. But what many of them don’t know is WHY that band (more specifically Jason Wade and his lyrics) are so important to me.

I do believe the Lord showed me that band at the most perfect time, to deliver me from unneeded pain and anxiety. At a time when I had to finally end a 2-year long battle within my heart in order to avoid jealousy and hatred. At a time when an important and dear friendship inevitably had to end. Jason Wade and the guys from Lifehouse were sort of an “escape goat” and what should have been a SUPER difficult time, turned out to be some of the best months of my life.

There was a time when i would post a note on facebook, at least once a week, about a Lifehouse song. I haven’t done that in a VERY long time, but friends – the time has come again 🙂

You’ve probably heard the song on the radio…but it was probably the cd version, which doesn’t bring the lyrics justice. So, while watching this video, please listen closely to the words Jason sings. It’s a beautiful song, and watching it live brings the words to life.

“Broken”

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like You’ve already figured out

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In Your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on
I’m barely holdin’ on to You

The broken locks were a warning You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I’m an open book instead
I still see Your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they’re still looking for life

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
with a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In Your name (in Your name) I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’)
I’m barely holdin’ on to You

I’m hangin’ on another day
Just to see what You throw my way
And I’m hanging on to the words You say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven’t forgotten my way Home

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
with a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In Your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’),
I’m barely holdin’ on to You

I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’),
I’m barely holdin’ on to You

I can’t lie – I am barely hanging on to Him. I am hanging on another day to see what He will throw my way – because I know He isn’t finished with me yet. But it’s hard. I constantly battle with comparing my life to the other girls my age -why are they married, and i’m not? Why do I have to feel like the odd girl out 90% of the time? Why do I constantly have to feel like there is no hope for me? Why did He have to give me the green light to love someone – only for it all to end and my heart left crushed once more? Why does it feel like I am constantly facing some sort of trial, can’t life just be easy? How am I supposed to heal from a broken heart  when there is a constant reminder of my brokenness?

I know the answer to many of those questions. I know He has me here for a reason. I know He isn’t finished with me yet – and that I need to give Him my all. I know, but it’s hard. It’s hard when it seems like there is no hope…when it feels like i am SO far away from Him. But I do hold on another day to see what He will throw my way – I know it’ll be okay. My broken heart IS still beating for a reason…to give Him the glory. There is healing in the pain, and I need this pain to bring me to my knees. There is joy to be found…I just need to open my eyes.

Lord, i know You haven’t forgotten me. But it feels like You have, please open my eyes so I may find joy and give You the glory. Please soften my heart of stone. Please forgive me of my selfishness.

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