Love is Commitment.

29 Jul

I just got back on Saturday from 24-5, a Spiritual youth workshop for the Calvary Chapel’s in the area. It was held at the property my church owns on the Stillaguamish River, about ten minutes from the neighborhood where I grew up. The weather was a downer, but we had some amazing speakers come and share the Lord with the kids (and adults!) One of the first speakers was a guy named Ray Rempt.

One of the things he mentioned was about love.

I’ve said for a while now that love is sacrifice, and now I have another another word to add to my list of what love is (to me, that is…1 Corinthians 13 sums it up pretty darn well!)

Love is a commitment.

I’m on the tail end of the blow that hit my life 21 months ago. Now it’s the time when i look back at the pitiful days and thank the Lord I’m not there anymore. It’s the days I knew would come, when I’d be placing those treacherous woods behind me and walk back into the light.

I am slightly disappointed with the lack of joy I had during this trial, I acted like a toddler throwing a fit. I still loved the Lord, I still gave Him *some* of my time, but deep down I was still holding that grudge. Begging and pleading to God to tell or show me why He let me fall into the trap of romance only for it to all go to waste…again. For my heart to once again be hurt because of dating. Wasn’t twice enough?

…………

As I was driving in the mass of idiotic drivers that fill up Washington freeways on nice, sunny, Sunday evenings…I was praying and the Lord gave me a revelation.

I cannot tell you just how many times I’ve heard that love is more than mushy, romantic feelings. Feelings go away…and what do you do when you no longer feel those heart-racing, tongue stuttering feelings for your husband or wife…? Divorce? When I get married, I don’t want that to even be an option! I know it will be much harder than I expect…it’s not all marital bliss, when I say, “For better or worse, till death do us part.” I will actually mean it.

Now on that very frustrating drive on the freeway, I came to realize that my commitment to the Lord is stronger than what I thought.

21 months ago I came face to face with a huge blow in my life. I was angry at the Lord. I was confused and hurt. I felt God was purposefully mocking me…little things would get me so angry. Full moons – or just the moon in general was a slap in the face. Some worship songs were just songs, songs that brought me further away from the Lord – not closer. I couldn’t drive through my neighborhood without wanting to curse all the memories. It was bad.

But I couldn’t avoid driving through my neighborhood, once the weather started getting better I even started taking runs. It was healing to make new memories in place of the old. Once I was able to confront those things and realize I can’t keep avoiding all things that make me think about the past, I was able to start healing. It was something totally foreign to me, I’ve limited myself so much in the past – for example, I still forbid myself to watch the Back to the Future movies. I’ve done so for over 6 years! Lame (I know).

Anyway…

As I was driving in the midst of some unknown reason for traffic on the freeway on a Sunday afternoon (maybe it was the rare sunshine), the Lord gave me an epiphany.

Going back to the whole love is commitment thought, I realize that even though I had no lovey dovey feelings for the Lord for the last 2 years, I’ve stayed committed. I still went to church, I still read His word, I still prayed some, I even began to get discipled by an amazing lady! I stayed in fellowship with my believing friends. I made my struggles known.

There was little passion, but there was commitment.

Looking back on that time, I became super encouraged that I had survived such a blow and didn’t fully turn my back on the Lord. I was not perfect, but I still knew I was in need of Him. My perseverance of trials before this one gave me the comfort in knowing that if I endure it – I WILL give Him the glory He deserves and I would benefit from it, too!

“Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” – James 1:12

I am in the midst of receiving His crown of life at this point. I’ve persevered.

But even more now, I have realized that trial wasn’t all meaningless. Yes, I wish I didn’t have another guy to add to my dating history, but it’s said an over.  I entered into the relationship with peace and the peace didn’t last. I can’t change that. The Lord has His reasons.

But I can say, with the utmost humility, that I have experienced what love really is in my relationship with the Lord. I’ll probably still fail and find myself being tested of my love for my Lord, but I’ll learn. And better yet, I can apply this trial when I do get married. When and if I find myself in the same pickle as a lot of married folks who don’t know if they love their spouse anymore because the butterflies are gone. If I can stay committed to my Lord for the last two years when my faith is being tested and I can’t see Him face to face, then by golly I sure can stay committed to my future husband who I can see face to face.

(p.s. i don’t want you to think I think marriage will be easy, I know it won’t be.)

 

 

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