While I am still here.

9 Feb

There are times when I forget the strength the Lord gave me to endure a trial…until someone I love goes through the exact same thing and I am taken back to my beautiful Lord’s miracle in my life. I try to tell myself in the midst of the trial, “NO one has ever felt this way!” But oh, how wrong I am.

It’s not that I am happy someone I love is going through what I’ve gone through – if anything, I am completely distraught by that fact for I know just how low you could feel. And to think of them going through that, breaks my heart. I am not happy, I am thankful. I am thankful exactly two years ago the Lord was delivering and romancing me through what was once one of my greatest fears. And now He is using my testimony for His glory. It is nice to feel used – especially by our Lord Jesus!

The Lord did HUGE, GINORMOUS, AMAZING things in my life by enduring that trial. It was because of that trial in my life that I discovered my love for Lifehouse (is it dumb that I think the Lord gave me their music as a buffer of sorts in that time of my life? Because that’s exactly what happened!). It was during that trial that I lost my grip on the wall that separated me from my Jesus – and when i lost my grip, I was open to the Lord. I was free. I was sad, broken, and full of sorrow – but I was free.

It’s funny how that works. It’s funny how free we can feel when we are brokenhearted. When the tiny bit we try to control is lost from our hands and all we can do is hold on to the Lord. That freedom experienced is unlike ANY other. It’s something we can all achieve if we just let go and give control to our Lord…but for many, myself included, we fail to give Him control – even when we know He is ever so faithful. I am thankful someone will experience the same sort of freedom I know comes with this trial. I am thankful I am being used. I am thankful I am remembering all of this now as I feel it is a trial I will endure again…probably very soon, too.

For I am CONFIDENT of this very thing, that He who began a good work in You will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6


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