Oh, my dear….

13 May

Seeing it that we are ALL sinners, none worse or better than any other, we all have transgressions we KNOW need to come out to the light. Many if not all of us have failures that are scary as heck to let others know. Sins that are so disgusting and perverted the thought of speaking the truth of our failures to someone else breaks us into a cold sweat. When in the light, the thought of ourselves committing these sins seems like a different person in entirety.

“How could I have done such a thing?”

I am by far no exception…there are some scars from my past only my sisters know, some only one person on this Earth may know…and of course there are some only i know. It’s scary to bring to these things light cause you never really know how the person will act. A relationship can have a seemingly sturdy backbone, but when darkness comes to light, the foundation isn’t always strengthened. Sometimes it’s weakened…until broken. Sometimes you end up severing the relationship. Though you want to blame them for not being the person you thought they were, thinking them as weak and unstable, you must realize our sins HAVE consequences. Sometimes it takes YEARS upon YEARS for the repercussions to come to the surface…and even then (at least in my case) it take 7 months to realize it. And it is at the moment of your (well my…) epiphany you wish you could take those YEARS and YEARS and YEARS of darkness and erase them away, wondering what could have blossomed out of the severed relationship had you not been a stupid girl falling into the pit of the smiling enemy.

I must keep remembering I can trust the Lord. He punishes me with LOVE. And it is because of the consequences my sin brought forth that I can becomes stronger and use it as a testimony of the Lord Jesus. He knows the timeline of my life better than anyone else…He created me and knows MY heart! He knows when i will get my first gray hair and when I will get married. He knows when I will brush my teeth next and what grade I will get on my Italian test tomorrow. He knows me.

“O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.”

Psalm 139:1-6

I must add the song that got me into this mindset, it is a VERY good one 🙂

Tenth Avenue North – Oh My Dear

I called you up, you were in bed
Could barely make out the words that you said
But you wanted to see me instead
So I got dressed
And I stepped out into the snow
And walked for a mile or so
Felt the rush of blood come from the cold, in my chest

Well you finally came to the door
And we talked for an hour or more
Until I asked if you would stay up till four
You said “that’s fine”
But you said “there’s something I have to say
And I can’t because I’m just so afraid”
And so I held you as you started to shake, that night

Oh my dear
I will wait for you
Grace tonight, will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms tonight

You slowly lifted your head from your hands
You said “I just don’t think that you’ll understand
You’ll never look at me that way again, if you knew what I did”
And so your tears fell and melted the snow
You told me secrets nobody had known
Oh, but I never loved you more even though now I knew what you did

Oh my dear
I will wait for you
And grace tonight, will pull us through
Yeah, oh my dear, I will wait for you
And grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms…

Till the tears have left your eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, have disappeared inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Well, oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms tonight
I’ll keep you in my arms tonight


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