…but this world is only temporary

22 Mar
I know when i lead a guy on, it is obvious and sometimes i go along with it and mess with their brains. It’s just something that almost feels normal. There are guys i am friends with who don’t try to pursue me like crazy when i first meet them, but then there are those who are so overwhelming i ignore them harshly. And sometimes I like the chase, especially when i ignore them for a long time. Gosh i can be so mean.
I even did it to jon…which i now regret with every beat of my heart. How ignorant i was not to see what an amazing guy he was even back then.

I currently am in the middle of texting a guy who is overwhelming. Point in case…he texted me, i didn’t respond, and about a minute or two later he texted me again. I don’t like him and his arrogance drives me crazy. But the chase is fun, and if you really wanna know how manipulative my mind is…i hope a specific someone finds out so he will be jealous.

As much as i enjoy the chase, i HATE this side of me. i despise every bit of it. i hate my jealousy, and the jealousy i hope to afflict on someone i care a lot about. i hate the manipulation. i hate the disrespect.
Lord, help me…
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