everything made sense when you were with me…

12 Feb

Why must I hold on to the little things? Things I’m afraid to give up, because I’m afraid that if I do I will lose the memories. Memories that I don’t ever want to lose. And I don’t want him to lose.

I find myself going to the spots we shared some of those wonderful memories…and I just sit in sorrow as I am once again asking God, “WHY?!? Why would you change my heart so greatly if it just ended up in MORE pain?”
It’s a genuine prayer, a genuine question that I want to know. But I guess that’s the beauty of God…in a way. We think we have our lives figured out, we jump ahead to a future we were never promised. God gives us something, and we think it means more than it does.
Maybe God gave me that relationship to give me hope…but I honestly don’t think it’s that. Before God changed my heart at Creation, I was at peace. I had little crushes, but I was at peace being single.
Do you know what I think it is?
I think God wanted my eyes to be opened to how closed minded I was.
That a guy who did not fit every qualification on my list could win my heart in a blink of an eye.
I think God gave me an opportunity at patience
I think God wanted me to realize that I still need to grow up before marriage, and how much work it is
I also want to say that I think God has a lot of work to do in his life still to make him the man God has created.
We sought after God’s will for us, and I want to believe it isn’t over yet.
God is telling me to not be sad, every time I am I know it’s not what He wants for me.

Maybe I do need to completely forget about him, but…it’s hard when he is still in my life. It’s hard when I have a jealous heart (please change it, Lord). I only want to go where God wants me to go, but I sincerely hope it is back into his arms.

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